WHEN THEY'VE CHANGED BUT THE PAIN STAYS

The body remembers even when the story changes. This is what healing can look like—part survival, part renewal, entirely real.

We don’t talk enough about what happens after someone you're in a relationship with grows.

Not the version where they stay stuck or the version where they disappear...the version where they actually change - where they show up, take accountability, and stay present.

This is the part of healing no one warns you about. It's the part where the story shifts, but your nervous system doesn’t immediately follow.

Because even if they’re different now, your body remembers when they were the person that was able to foster the hurt. And that can hurt deeply...as if you haven't moved past it...as if they haven't changed....and it isn't even about forgiveness, but more a pulling to what was becasue it's what your nervous system "knows".

As a result, there is a lingering pain - this desire to hold on to where the hurt happened.

And it doesn't hur the way it used to. The intensity simmers instead of boils, but it still comes around and you feel it...and sometimes want to sit in it, and sometimes you want them to sit in it with you...to feel what you've felt.

There’s often a quiet longing that rises here - not for punishment, not even for repair - but for them to fully feel what it felt like...to stand inside the moment that hurt you, and stay with you.

Not because that would fix anything, but because something in you still aches to be seen where it broke.

And even that, as understandable, human, deeply honest it is,isn’t the medicine.

The medicine is this:

Feeling the ache doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. Knowing that remembering doesn’t mean you’re stuck. And knowing that your healing doesn’t have to match their timeline to be real.

You’re allowed to still carry the echo of what happened—even when the person who caused it no longer lives there.

But the deeper question—the one that actually creates movement—isn’t “why am I still hurting?”

It’s this:

When the pain swells and you need to express it, are you reaching for love, compassion, and empathy from the person who caused the pain? Or are you learning how to offer it to yourself?

Are you trying to outsource your integration, or are you becoming the one who can finally hold what wasn’t held?

When the pain resurfaces, notice:

• Do I want to be understood, or do I need to be witnessed?

• Am I expressing from the wound, or with it?

• Can I let the feeling move through without needing it solved?

  
  

The ache might mean you're finally safe enough to feel what was once unbearable. Let that be the work. Let that be enough.

🪞 Mini Reflection: If You're Still Holding the Ache

If something stirred while reading this, pause with it. You don’t have to resolve it. Just get closer.

Try this:

Think of a moment you’ve already forgiven—but still feel.Ask yourself:• What part of me is still holding that version of them?• What would I need to fully express this ache—without needing them to fix it?• If I gave myself what I’m waiting for, what shape would it take?

Write it down. Say it out loud. Hold it without answering.

Sometimes the medicine isn’t what we release. It’s what we finally stay present with.

If you’ve ever questioned why you still hurt—even after they changed—this is for you. The Sacred Mirror Guide is designed to help you untangle what’s true now from what your body still carries. Because clarity isn’t just about what’s happening—it’s about where your nervous system is still stuck. You’ll find it in my store if you’re ready to work with a clearer mirror.

The Sacred Mirror - A Reflective Guide

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