DEFAULT FILTER MODE: Why We’re Getting Further from Clarity.

More Filters Aren't Healing. They're Just Fancier Distortions.

There’s a moment in nearly every growth journey when the lens widens, but clarity doesn’t come.

You’re seeing more nuance, more narratives, more language for manipulation or harm… but something’s still off.

Why?

Because you didn’t dissolve the filter - you just replaced it with a different one.

We are in a cultural moment where understanding the pattern is often confused with being free from it. But identifying manipulation doesn’t automatically mean we’re immune to our own version of it. And calling out gaslighting doesn’t mean we’re grounded in truth.

Especially if we’re still reacting from pain instead of seeing from presence.

What if the person you’re calling manipulative isn’t malicious, but terrified—and the “gaslighting” you experienced wasn’t a tactic, but a trauma response trying to feel safe? What if your story about them isn’t wrong… just incomplete?

What if naming the problem doesn’t actually dissolve the distortion because you’re still seeing them through its lens?

What if the boundary you thought you set was never actually understood because you stated it in a way that didn’t land for the person you were setting it with?

None of this means your pain isn’t real.

And it doesn’t mean you should excuse harm or abandon your gut.

If you’re in a situation where you’re truly unsure - whether what you’re seeing is distortion or truth, trauma defense or intentional manipulation - it’s okay to pause and seek support. Some patterns are too tangled to unwind alone. A trained coach or counselor can help you see what’s actually in front of you, without collapsing into self-doubt or bypassing red flags in the name of compassion.

But if the only lens you hold is that you were wronged…

You might be building new filters instead of dissolving old ones.

So ask yourself:

What if the clarity I trust is actually another reaction?

What am I calling truth that might still be defense?

Am I willing to see the person in front of me… or am I still bracing for who hurt me?

Healing isn’t just learning new language.

It’s learning how to see without the old war still coloring the lens.