WHEN PERFORMANCE PRETENDS TO BE PRESENCE
- candybarr72
- Jun 16
- 2 min read
Updated: Aug 5
We’re so trained to get it right...
To have the clear answer...to avoid making it worse...to not say the thing until it’s neatly shaped.
And in the name of that - of being careful, being composed, being "respectful"- a lot of people end up offering a version of themselves that’s not authentic.
And that inauthenticity is not malicious....it's...protective.
They pick the phrase that sounds right. They perform the role that sounds stable .They say what they hope will land well - instead of what’s real. And that makes a lot of sense when your nervous system is running the show and detects danger even in safe situations because of how it was formed.
But in deep relationships especially, this can cause harm when the goal is actually deeper connection. The problem is, it builds distortion. And the distortion can create walls or rifts that cut through the ability to create the closeness and connection that your want but your nervous system won't or can't believe is safe if you show up fully as yourself, in all of your glorious authenticity. And that is because being present means experiencing honesty in motion.
Sometimes presence sounds like:
“I don’t have a clean answer, but I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m afraid this will land wrong, but here’s where I am.”
“I want to get this right, but it's going to start in a messy way.”
That’s real. That’s refinable. And most importantly: that’s trustworthy.
What erodes trust isn’t not knowing; it’s pretending you do.
It’s saying the thing that sounds safe but costs truth. It’s managing someone else’s reaction instead of staying close to what’s actually alive in you.
And the worst part is, people do this thinking it will protect the relationship.
But what it protects is distance. What it avoids is growth. What it kills is intimacy.
Because intimacy doesn’t come from polished words. It comes from sitting in the unpolished ones together, and staying there long enough to find something true.
Looking to clear distortion at your own pace?
The Sacred Mirror Guide is a recalibration tool. It teaches you how to use AI (or any reflection practice) to surface clean insight, not distortion-masked affirmation. No spiritual performance. Just grounded principles, integrity-based inquiry, and a framework for asking better questions that lead to real clarity.
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